


And You Can Have My Heart and My Soul and My Body

by EnjolrasSeizedTheDay



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Unrequited Love, but just breif, i feel like it nees more tags but idk what, so also - Freeform, sorry - Freeform, the guy gets a bloody nose, there is no fluff in this, this isn't happy in the end, violence but its really breif
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 02:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7080760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnjolrasSeizedTheDay/pseuds/EnjolrasSeizedTheDay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holster Kisses Ransom and reflects on how he got here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And You Can Have My Heart and My Soul and My Body

**Author's Note:**

> it's been so long since i've written anything? and this is the first time I've written for the CP fandom? anyways...  
> the Title is from the song "All American Boy" by Steve Grand which is their song (even though Ransom isn't American) it's very sad and you should watch the video and listen to it (Cw for alcohol and partial nudity in the music video and song though)  
> this is a weird format and ??? idk i blame it on the fact that i haven't written in like a year.

When Ransom and March broke up Ransom was devastated maybe that’s how they got here, sitting on the roof Holster kissing Ransom, but no, Holster knew it went back farther than that. Four years back, maybe, maybe farther back than even that.  


Holster didn’t find the word Bisexual until he was 13 years old and he knew it was a perfect fit. He didn’t tell anyone, he had a reputation and he wasn’t sure how the boys on the hockey team would take it. but he knew, and that was enough.  


Holster didn’t realize right away that Ransom wasn’t kissing back maybe he didn’t want to realize it.  


By the time Holster got to Samwell he felt good, he knew professional hockey was still on the table if he worked his ass off and if the team did well. He was playing with Jack fucking Zimmermann the team would do well, all he had to do was work his ass off and well, he was use to that.  


Holster’s hands didn’t fall from Ransom’s shoulder’s quick enough.  


He had a girlfriend when he first met Justin, she was a cute secretary for an accounting firm in the area. He had met her while visiting the college, she was small, tiny thinking back on it, about Lardo’s size, and he wondered how he managed not to break her. Holster thought he was in love. But then he met Justin.  


Holster could feel his face heating up.  


They didn’t last long not with Holster always doing hockey things, or hanging out with Ransom, he was always hanging out with Ransom she would say. That was the first time a significant other would throw the word bisexual back at him. Like it meant he would be unfaithful.  


“Bro?”  


Holster dated on and off after that, boyfriends in secret, girlfriends to be chirped about, never at the same time of course. But more often than not it was just easier to make out with one of the boys on the Lacrosse team back in his dorm far away from the Haus. Maybe Holster had a thing for Athletes.  


“Fuck sorry.”  


Holster was a good friend, and a great bro of course he set Ransom up with girls, helped him with girl problems, found him a boy to experiment with once. He can’t ever forget the conversation after that. Ransom talking about how maybe he’d do that again, maybe if it weren’t so impersonal, if it weren’t just a hook up.  


“No bro, it’s, I’m going to go.”  


Holster didn’t come out until senior year. It’s not that he thought the team would have a problem with it. He knew they would be supportive, that they would come through for him. But he also didn’t think it was much of a big deal, it wasn’t their business at any rate. He wasn’t really worried about it. It was just telling the team something about him so he could clear up the misconception that he was straight. It wasn’t a big deal.  


“I’ll sleep on Chowder’s floor or something bro, sorry. “  


Holster came out to Ransom first, there was a power point, and Ransom didn’t interrupt the whole way though. Holster couldn’t tell if that was good or bad until he finished. “Cool bro, so do you want to take a guy to winter screw this year?” and Holster breathed a sigh of relief but couldn’t manage to tell Ransom Yes but only if it was him.  


“No, we’re cool man.”  


The rest of the team acted much the same as Holster if not even less interested. Shitty cared, of course he did. Jack, well Holster couldn’t bring himself to tell Jack and he wasn’t sure why, it seemed like Jack wouldn’t care, and not in the way that the team didn’t care, but that it wasn’t Hockey, it wasn’t history, and it wasn’t Bitty, why would Jack care he was off playing hockey, why would it matter?  


Holster didn’t watch Ransom get up and leave.  


Coming out to his family was hard, he didn’t think they would mind. They said as much after he did come out, but his father was so worried about his Hockey career. Holster was glad that most of Christmas break was spent eating. He lived for the Skype sessions with Ransom where he didn’t have to hear talk about the future.  


He could feel an emptiness in his chest he had never known before.  


The rest of the school didn’t take it so well. Some were baffled, how could he, the biggest jockey-est jock be gay. And he didn’t want to get in trouble so he never punched them while explaining that he wasn’t gay. And maybe he went off on a Shitty inspired rant about bisexual erasure but that need to keep out of trouble never stopped Ransom.  


Holster watched the sun set from the roof.  


Despite the lack of an “official” statement somehow everyone involved in college Hockey knew that Holster was bisexual and while physical fighting was against the rules Holster quickly became use to hearing nasty things aimed at him. But he knew, if he wanted to play Hockey after college he would have to behave, he needed all these games to prove he could play professionally. Ransom didn’t have the same priorities and one game, after a particularly nasty comment Ransom had his gloves off and the guy had a bloody nose before anyone could stop him. Holster didn’t miss the last thing the guy had said to Ransom before he left the ice “gotta take care of your fairy boyfriend huh?”  


Holster didn’t notice the cold engulfing him.  


Holster and Ransom had walked in on each other in various stages of undress with a hook up or girlfriend multiple times but Holster thought it would be weird when Ransom walked in on him and some guy from the swim team. But Ransom did the same he always did a wink and some lewd comment before leaving. Holster spent the rest of that night thinking about how much more bulky muscle Ransom had than a swimmer.  


Holster didn’t know when he had started crying.  


They won, the whole thing, they were the best college hockey team in the nation and that’s when professional teams started talking to Holster and he was beyond happy. That’s when he called Jack, asked for help, how does he go about choosing something like this. It was dinner at Jack’s place when he finally came out to Jack. Jack only chucked “I know, you talk about it on facebook, thanks for not making me the first out NHL player”  


It was dark when Ransom returned two beers in hand.  


He had signed, miraculously, with the Falconers, and the thought of being on a team with Jack again calmed the fear of being a player in the NHL. Ransom was going to school in Boston, and yeah, it was a bit of a drive but Ransom said he would visit as often as possible and he had promise they would still be friends, so Holster didn’t worry too much.  


“bro, we’re good, you’re my best bro no matter what”  


Holster knew he was out, that people had seen his face book, talked to people who knew him he had been out to the public since the beginning of his senior season weather he wanted to be or not. He knew he was the first out NHL player and he couldn’t do anything about it. Nothing made him care either, it wasn’t like he was coming out and “potentially running” his career as if liking to take it up the ass somehow would change the way he played hockey.  


"Look bro I-“  


He had met the team right after he signed. They were great, no one spoke a word about his sexuality and he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, why they would. But knowing they knew without him telling them, it set him on edge. It wasn’t until Jack pat him on the back, telling him how supportive this team was that he could relax, this was his team now, they would have each others backs.  


“I don’t think I’m straight but, you’re my best bro and I, I love you man just not, not like that”  


Holster wondered how he had gotten here. This roof, with this best friend, under these circumstances. He couldn’t tell how far back it went.  


“I am sorry.”  


“I’m still visiting as often as I can, my best friend on the same team as legendary Jack Zimmermann imagine, wait, that already happened.”  


Holster didn’t push the issue if Ransom didn’t want to talk about it anymore, well, that was okay. It was just before finals, probably one of the last nights Ransom was this calm Holster would take it.  


Nothing changed, well as much as nothing can change when you graduate and go play Hockey for the NHL. As much as nothing can change when for the first time in four years your best friend lives in another state all year. As much as nothing can change when everything else is changing. Maybe everything did change, but all this extra change, maybe that was a saving grace.

**Author's Note:**

> swimmers work out but they don't build muscle like a hockey player. muscle is heavy and hard to pull though the water. any swimmer Holster would make out with might be as tall as him but no nearly as "built" his muscles would be defied but not nearly as large as Ransom's would be


End file.
